How to fight without fighting

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How to fight without fighting

Sometimes in a relationship you just disagree, and thus a fight of sorts ensues. However, there is a distinct difference between working things out so that everyone is happy, and being in a fight with your spouse, family member, or friend. The following is a look at some things you can do to fight (and work through your problems) without fighting:

1.You must have respect for one another. Real fights are usually caused because someone or both someone's involved feel like their desires, wants, needs, and opinions are being ignored. When someone feels like the other person doesn't care, or doesn't respect you, you immediately get defensive. Help avoid stung pride, and defensive maneuvers, by showing respect for everyone involved in the disagreement. You can state your points, and show how you disagree, but do it without belittling or putting the other person down. As soon as you start the, "You are too (fill in the blank) to know better" stuff you are telling the person you do not respect them, and your disagreement just became a fight.

2.You need to take turns talking, or presenting your argument, or pointing out the problems. When people disagree, they often try so hard to prove their point that they won't listen to anyone else's which means that both parties usually talk over each other, and no one wins. So, if you want to fight without fighting, you have to take turns. You have to be able to both present your arguments without interruption, giving both parties the chance to show their sides before the arguing portion begins. It sounds really structured, and it doesn't necessarily have to be, as long as both of you give the other person a chance to state their case.

3.Both parties need to be willing to listen. Of course, stating your case to empty air is not going to help you solve the fight. So, while you take turns presenting your argument, make sure that you are not busy working on your presentation, and not listening to what the other person has to say. If you want to work through a problem without fighting, you have to know how to respect and listen to one another's position. You may not agree with their reasons, but you have to hear them, and consider them to know how you really feel about them, so don't forget that part.

4.Compromises or resolution should be made. Of course, at the end of the fight without fighting, you should have reached some kind of compromise, some sort of way to leave with both parties happy and feeling good, if not satisfied. The compromise or resolution part might leave both parties feeling slightly unsatisfied, as it agreeing to disagree, but at least it brings some kind of closure to the situation.

Posted by K on September 15, 2010 07:35 AM | Permalink

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